Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Shirt Fundraiser Re-Launched

We have relaunched our t-shirt fundraiser. If you were unable to purchase a shirt last time this is your second chance! We must sell 25 shirts by 11/21/14 for shirts to be produced. Visit today to purchase your shirt.

Application Submitted

Quickly snapped this photo
as we submitted the application
We have officially submitted our formal application for adoption through Bethany Christian Services.

The process started a while back and we had put it on hold during my pregnancy and the time following Meredith's loss.

We decided Monday night to update and finish the formal application. Of course this is one of many steps to come and we are excited to see what the future holds.

Thank you all so much for your prayers and support. We love you all so much and are happy that each of you are involved in this process!

If you would like to support us financially in our journey to adopt you can make donations by clicking here.

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Capture Your Grief Week 1

Day 1 - Sunrise

Day 2 - Heart

Day 3 - Before

Day 4 - Now

Day 5  - Journal

Day 6 - Books

Day 7 - Sacred Place
The Word of God is my sacred place.


Timing is something I've been thinking about often lately. See, I had plan for my life.

In many ways my life has been as I hopped. I met an amazing man of God that loves and adores me that I married as soon as possible. We have a home and a pup named Pepper (who may or may not know he's a dog).

Yet in other ways it has not. School didn't exactly go as planned and it took me longer than expected to get my college degree. Also I had an age that I wanted to be done having children. My magic numbers were first baby before 30 (which yes I technically did) and last baby by 32.

Looking back on things I realize parts of my plan was a little detailed instead of a general plan.

I have been coming to grips with the fact the my plan and timeline is not the same as God's. I know His is better. I guess I just thought my plan was so good that it was His plan too. And yes I'm fully aware that obviously I was wrong in my thinking, as most of us that have these type of life plans have to learn this over time and often the hard way.

I have no idea what the future holds. I don't know what next year, next month, next week, or even what tomorrow holds. And I'm ok with that.

Thursday, October 2, 2014


"He heals the brokenhearted, He bandages their wounds."
Psalm 147:3

Day 2 of Capture Your Grief was "heart". Which I have been thinking a lot about lately. I didn't think about it much at the time, when we lost Meredith. However, I can say without a doubt, looking back on it, that I know exactly what it feels like for my heart to not just break, but shatter. And for a split second, I remember thinking: "this is how I'm going to go; with a broken heart".

Capture Your Grief
Day 2 - Heart
I'm still here and my heart still breaks over the loss of our only child, our only daughter. See, we didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl yet. In a way this made it a tiny bit easier. The not knowing. I think that is because we hadn't had a chance to fixate in our minds some of the things we would have if we had known. Like if we have a girl she'll be in ballet or if we have a boy he'll play soccer. Instead that part was still a mystery. However, when the nurse said "you have a girl" I'm pretty sure that's the moment my heart shattered. I don't know if it was because we thought we were having a boy or if it was because all the things I would never get to experience with my baby girl went through my mind all at once.

Even though my heart is still broken, I know God is mending it. I can feel it and see it each day. I see it in the way I respond to different situations, activities I'm more apt to do, and so on. I know things will never be same again, but I'm becoming more and more ok with that. 

I came across this poem on a Facebook page called Forever My Sweet Pea and it has stuck with me. What so many don't understand is that we, like so many others, didn't just lose a pregnancy or a baby, we lost all the what could have beens, should have beens, and future dreams we had for our child and ourselves. And even if we had had other children or go on to have other children there is always someone missing.

Someone Is Missing
Someone is missing from our dinner table, from our bedroom and our home.
Someone is missing from holiday celebrations,family vacations and everywhere in between.

Someone is missing from our lives, Our littlest one is gone.
He will not have birthday parties, graduations, or celbrations.
We will miss him throughout eternity and our family will never be complete.
Someone is missing, yet we go on.
Our lives are touched by him.
Changed forever by his brief existence.
His memory we keep alive.
He lives only in our hearts and minds, We were blessed by his short life.
Our love for him forever strong.
Even though...someone will always be...MISSING.

~D. Lutz

Wednesday, October 1, 2014


October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. And on October 15 around the globe homes will light candles for the children that had short, but impactful lives. You don't have to have any special kind of candle or anything to participate, although many do purchase new candles for that night.

There is also a photo challenge called Capture Your Grief that many have found to be a source of healing. Anyone that's is grieving the loss of a child can participate and can jump in on any day. I'm doing mine through my Instagram @heatherdani85 (which also shares to my Facebook & Twitter profiles).

Day 1 - Sunrise - it was cloudy this morning but it was calm and felt wonderful outside!