Thursday, August 6, 2015


This scripture has held me together through our pregnancy and loss of Emi.
It was also read at her graveside service.

Angel Wings

Emi Danielle was born still at 22 wks on July 23, 2015. There are no words to describe the shock and the hurt of another loss. We are still holding on to the promises of God and the plan He has for us.

Thank you to everyone that has cooked dinner for us, called, messaged us, sent cards, prayed for us, and made donations in her memory. Your love and kindness has meant more than you will ever know.

Saturday, July 18, 2015

We're Having A .......

Everyone's Guesses

Having a girl!!!!!!

Emi Danielle!!!!


Do you ever feel like everything is going so well and something catches you just to put a snag in your journey. This doesn't mean everything falls a part, it just means there may be a little extra work involved.

Last week Jason and I went to my fetal anatomy scan at the high risk doctor's office. Everything looked great with the baby. Heart, lungs, brain - everything looked great. However, my body was once again not cooperating.

Dr. B (high risk doctor) came in and viewed the ultrasound and said she wanted to do an exam. Turned out, even though a had a cerclage stitch placed by Dr. C at 14wks, I was dilated 1cm. Which at 20wks 5days is not good.

Jason attempting to rest at the hospital.
I was sent to be observed at the hospital that has the NICU in our area. I was observed for contractions, which I didn't have. Kept over night and observed again the next morning. Since I was not in labor or showing signs of contracting we along with the doctors chose to go back in and do a rescue stitch. The procedure went really well and after some more observation I went home the next day.

Obviously I am on modified bed rest (meaning a can get up for short periods, but I'm not allowed to do anything) and my amazing husband is doing all the cooking and cleaning. I have a follow up appointment with the high risk clinic next week and another appointment with Dr. C the next week. The short term goal is to get me and baby to 24 weeks. Of course we would all like to get much further than that!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and I will try to keep updates coming.

Tuesday, June 30, 2015


It has been one year sine we said goodbye to our baby girl.

Sometimes I can't believe we are already at this point and then other times I feel like this has been the longest year of my life.

I was just over 19 wks when my water broke with Meredith. I will be 19 wks tomorrow with our rainbow baby.

This past week I have had some nightmares of history repeating itself and have been more on edge.
The closer we got to today the more I have had to remind myself that this is a different pregnancy, this is a different outcome, and I am trusting God that there will be a different outcome.

Yet it isn't just the day she passed away, but her birthday too.

There are really no words to describe how any of this feels. I want to celebrate her and at the same time hide away.

Over the past couple of months I have started a new part time job and we have started attending a new church. This all equals to new people. Which means people that don't know our story, people that don't know what today means to us. I've only had one or two people ask if this this baby is our first (which honestly this question don't bother me). I'm happy to say that I've been able to say no and give them the shortest possible answer as to what that means (I tend to ramble (babble) so I always fear I'll go into way more detail than new people need to know).

So today is Meredith's birthday. The day we said hello and goodbye to our first child. The day she went to be in the arms of Jesus.

It is also the day that completely changed who I am. I know 100% I am not the same person. I see it in the way I respond to things, think about things, how quickly or slowly I do things. I still have bad days, although they are less frequent. But you know, I think I like who I'm becoming - who God has formed through the tears, the good days, the bad days, and all the other things in between.

Friday, May 15, 2015

Exciting Changes

For those of you that do not know we are expecting again. We were in the middle of our home study packet and background checks for domestic adoption when we found out. I am now 12 weeks. We couldn't be more excited!!!

With all these changes, I have decided to go in a different direction with my blogging/writing. I will still update this blog from time to time, but I will be starting a new one in the near future that will hopefully have a different feel. 

Thank you all so much for your support and prayers. We love you all so much!!!

Almost 9 wks
10 Wks

New flowers for Meredith.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Childhood Memories

I'm not sure way but the past couple of days I've been thinking a lot about Meredith and the life I dreamt for her.

Knowing that I will never understand why her life was so short I don't try to understand. Knowing our story has a bigger purpose helps. Yet, as always there are days that I really don't want there to be a bigger picture, but have a simple and straightforward answer. Not having this annoys me to no end on these days. This is not helped by the fact that I am having a terrible time getting and/or staying asleep more often than I would like to say.

The reason I say yesterday's blog challenge topic (earliest childhood memories) was difficult is because it reminds me that we will never have these memories with Meredith. No "firsts" of any kind. This hit hard while I was looking for Easter eggs I could add to the current flower arrangement on her headstone. They were on the same aisle as the baskets and stuffed animals. It suddenly hit me that I should be gathering items for Meredith's first Easter basket. It was as though a new part of my heart was breaking. There isn't much else to say about this and I wish I could tell you I found some comfort in buying the items for her headstone or that I've moved past the fact that something will be missing this coming Easter, but I can't.

“A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty.”

-Joan Didion


Tuesday, February 3, 2015

Team Marilyn Joy

We have created my mom a Facebook page for everyone to easily see updates on her progress, so much easier with the amount of family in and out of town. CLICK HERE to like her page.

Also my sister, Crystal, designed a shirt on BonfireFunds to help cover cost of my mom's chemo treatments. CLICK HERE if you would like to purchase an "I Hate Cancer" shirt. There are 13 days left in the campaign.

THANK YOU all so much for your prayers and support.

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Busy Busy Busy

For starters so sorry for the extreme lack of updates on this blog. The holidays and other family matters have kept me extremely busy.

I will start by saying the holidays were difficult for me. With an original due date just before the holiday experiencing them without our daughter was unpleasant to say the least. Since the new year I feel that I have been doing better and have a better hold on things.

Currently we are still working on the home study packet for the adoption agency. The phrase "no morning sickness but the paper cuts are killer" makes complete sense now! This is a long process that we know will be worth it in the end.

Jason & Kaye

Jason's mom, Kaye, is half way through her chemo treatments. Only 3 more to go! Hopefully that will be all she needs and will be on her way to full health. Please continue to pray for her.

Me & Mom

Sadly, Jan 6 marked the day my mother, Marilyn, was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. She started her chemo yesterday. The doctors are very optimistic about her treatment and she is in high spirits. Surgery will come after chemo and then possible radiation.  Thank you all so much for your prayers.

Obviously we are busy busy busy :)