I'm not sure way but the past couple of days I've been thinking a lot about Meredith and the life I dreamt for her.
Knowing that I will never understand why her life was so short I don't try to understand. Knowing our story has a bigger purpose helps. Yet, as always there are days that I really don't want there to be a bigger picture, but have a simple and straightforward answer. Not having this annoys me to no end on these days. This is not helped by the fact that I am having a terrible time getting and/or staying asleep more often than I would like to say.
The reason I say yesterday's blog challenge topic (earliest childhood memories) was difficult is because it reminds me that we will never have these memories with Meredith. No "firsts" of any kind. This hit hard while I was looking for Easter eggs I could add to the current flower arrangement on her headstone. They were on the same aisle as the baskets and stuffed animals. It suddenly hit me that I should be gathering items for Meredith's first Easter basket. It was as though a new part of my heart was breaking. There isn't much else to say about this and I wish I could tell you I found some comfort in buying the items for her headstone or that I've moved past the fact that something will be missing this coming Easter, but I can't.
“A single person is missing for you, and the whole world is empty.”